How we party at PlayGroup…
At PlayGroup, we love to celebrate! We also know that parties can bring a lot of dysregulation. Even events that are extremely fun can bring challenges. When routines are disrupted, orientation takes more energy. When the voices and bodies in the room are louder and faster than usual, it’s difficult to keep calm. At school, many of our kids end up melting down or sitting out of events that they actually would like to participate in, for lack of accessible options. At PlayGroup, we aim to include everyone through preview and choice. You can try this at home too!
Preview celebrations with your child in advance. If possible, try this at least a week in advance and repeat information a few times. Let your kid know where the event will take place, who will be there, if it’s similar to any events they’ve attended in the past (or how it will be different), what activities will be occurring, and where they can go to take a break if things get too overwhelming. Explain elements that may be unpredictable, such as “There will be babies there, so some of them may cry or try to grab things, but we’ll have to be gentle with them as they are so small.”
Let your kid know that they can opt-in or opt-out of any activities, and that they can change their minds. Depending on the dynamics of the event, you might even reassure them that even if other people pressure them to participate in a way that they don’t want to, they don’t have to do so. If you won’t be at the event with your child, let them know whom they can go to if they need support.
Talk about “spoons,” which describe energy levels. Different people need different amounts of “spoons” for various tasks or situations. For example, you might need 150 spoons to listen to the details of a Minecraft game, but for your kid that might actually give them ten spoons. This is less about exact math and more about shared understanding. Talk with your kid about assessing the “spoons” they need for different things. Agree in advance that if your kid “runs out of spoons” at a party, they can either go to a quiet place for a “spoon refill,” or that you will leave the event together.